such an amazing experience that I'm not fully able to describe it just yet. I'm still coming down from it but I went through so many emotions that it was overwhelming at first. 

Ashley said to describe it from the first moment it hit me so I said I would do that as best as I could. We were having dinner, sitting on the couch as we do, and I looked over at her and immediately saw this gallery of lights from her center. It was like this incredible energy came from her core, in two different orbs, surrounded by her own energy wrapped in motherhood. Imagine the moment in The Matrix III when Neo finally begins seeing the light through all the code, and how it burst forth through the code and through him and eventually everything.

That's sort of the feeling I got tonight, staring over at my amazing wife, acknowledging the sheer volume and power there was in the magic of bringing children into this world. The exchange of our agreement, to love each other SO MUCH that two little souls would want to choose us to come down and join us in that love. To say it was overwhelming is an understatement. It was as though, as I sat thinking of my future, and looking there at my wife - the physical form sat just fine, but my spirit... the very nature of who I am, my soul, it unlocked this ...  a floodgate of love sprung forth from me, in ways that I wasn't able to control. 

Like real ugly cry sort of joy... 

Gut-wrenching tears mixed with a deep laughter recognizing the sheer majesty in the moment. Ashley has been doing a lot of soul work with her guide and I have to say I'm so grateful for that, and for her decision to seek that guidance. There is truth in so much wisdom others have experienced, and I think our society does a very good job of convincing us that we shouldn't listen. Or I should say the noise of society... the apps.. the distractions... it's all designed to keep us from connecting on a larger scale.

"The beauty though is that there's nothing that will diffuse the spark of human compassion and love."

I think tonight it finally clicked what being a father means to me, and it made me fall into a million pieces of joy. I don't know how to describe to you the sheer un-doing that came over me tonight, but it was wholly God and nature and from The Lord in all that His Great Creation can give.  

Ashley took me outside to do some real grounding work, to be really connected with the earth and what God has given us in terms of energy every single day, in every blade of grass to every floating wisp of air that catches a fair memory of scents floating by. Everything is interconnected that has life... To simultaneously LIVE as one of those beings that's connected to all things; but also have so much life surrounding us trying to fight against the packaging of society... it's a bit of an insanity to have that realization. We're not meant to be funneled from one place to another, from building to building, from hour to hour... WE are meant to shift our lives, our energies WILLINGLY through EVERY day we choose to breath on this very earth. The transition of energy to give us life in the first place wasn't by accident, it wasn't by failure of any cosmic stretch of chance, it wasn't atoms smashing into each other simply because science said so. It was because your very soul CHOSE it, and became it. 

So I'm sitting on our front lawn, having my gorgeous Beloved guiding me through this soul work and tears are just constantly streaming from me. Both Good and Bad. Feelings that weren't mine; like an overall sadness of us a whole as a people flooded over me. I remembered that my fingers and palms were face down on the grass, my eyes closed, focusing on my temple and the crown of energy coming from it - going upward. She kept telling me to let it all go, to let the connection come; and once I finally did I felt like the threads of my consciousness were opened to reveal that each thread had smaller threads leading off into smaller and smaller threads all guiding out of my head and connecting to it, to me, around me, below me, like a massive sphere of energies constantly flowing out.

It makes so much more sense when people say God is within us and through us and WITH us every waking moment of every day. If you're truly being honest with yourself, whoever you may be, it takes just a few moments in the silence of nature at the breaking hours of dawn to know that there's SO MUCH More within each of us than we can ever begin to know; the very groundwork of the stars is made in our DNA. To see them reflected across your own eyes, to then echo the feeling you KNOW is rattling around in that head of yours. THE SOUL is there; and it's real and it wants you to acknowledge it. The essence of God given Himself to us, through atomic shifts in energy. 

THIS is the connection that I felt in so many broken tears as I sat on naked untilled green earth made hard and yellow on this summer night. The glow of the night stars surrounded us, even in the lull of our neighborhood cul-de-sac. God was/is present there, shifting through us in the moment, being here all at once and also not being here; across a million instances of humanity living out each moment of magic on this earth. 

I envisioned or rather will envision now moving forward, a circulating wave of energy above me and coming down to my temple and all the way around to the back of my cranium, emanating out from the top of my head reaching out to the Universe(God) far above me beyond any human comprehension I could have at the moment. At the time as I was sitting doing the grounding work, I both felt and didn't feel that the threads of who I was were intertwined with the blades of grass that touched my fingertips; bleeding into them in the blueish energy of light. 

This very power that we have, as humans, to choose to give of our energies in positive or negative ways should be acknowledged by a LOT more people.

To willingly effect the way the overall energy of LIGHT or DARKNESS is made and concentrated on this earth is something I think only those beings with free will can do. I suddenly begin understanding the hatred the dark one must have for us; because we have a power to BE THE LIGHT that he will never have ever again.

Ever.

Again. 

Ever. 

Like ........Like ever ever in the sheer expanse of eternity as FAR as your own mind's eye could currently envision it; EVER that far. 

You're start to drive yourself insane if you think of it too long; and many people have done exactly that. Books have been written about what 'time' is and we still aren't that much closer to understanding it.

In all the vastness of human existence; we still exist IN a frame of time. There is no human on this earth outside of time, there is no political ideology, modicum of science, literary work that will ever stand the test of time. There is nothing in our human capacity to control time.

And yet, STILL we cannot fathom the depth to which the disconnect has grown between God and his creation - His ultimate sadness. I think humans are God's way of showing the dark one all of what he chose to give up in removing himself from Glory. Which is why I think the spirit of vengeance is so strong in the human narrative. We desire that redemption, because our very Creator desires it with one He will NEVER allow into His kingdom of Light ever again or those poor souls who have willingly made that choice daily.

THE FALL OF LUCIFER WAS A CHOICE MADE BY GOD. He could have just as easily vaporized the devil and half or third of His OWN Angels and remade them anew ten times over. He could have made thirty Lucifers seven times over until He "got it right". Instead, He made the ultimate sacrifice of a concept of perfect Eden to allow Lucifer to make a fool of himself for eternity. The Fall Of Man is satan's response, within the confines of God's allowance. Everything is still within the parameters of who God Is.

While it's a choice God made; it's STILL a choice and the fabric of ALL THINGS is being held together by that one choice. And He made it out of Love.

Think about it. 

God created the darkness the day that Lucifer decided he no longer wanted that name. The sheer concept we hold so dear to our core of humanity of "Light/Good" vs. "Darkness/Evil" is because God truly loved the devil so much that He created an entire living hell for him to live in FOR ETERNITY  instead of banishing him to the realm of no existence.

This is the part of the story none of the movies focus on; because it's the absolute horror of reality: there IS a place worse than hell and God is the only One that knows what that is. It's absolute non-existence. The very removal of God Himself. The power of an atomic bomb spread across every cosmic explosion all at once, followed by....

nothing. absolutely nothing. Even the word 'nothing' contains more in it's meaning than the infintesmial place that has a complete abscense of the One Binding Spirit Of All.

This is the absence of The One. This is why God can't let Satan go, He can't possibly do such a hateful thing to his beautiful creation; no matter how twisted it had become.

Even God Himself exists to escape the nothing of non-existence.

He created everything because He knew that the very spark of consciousness in itself was a gift he had given to every single Angel on the day of Creation. Along with every other living thing He chose to speak Life to. He speaks Life to us daily if we choose to listen and be energized by it.

To snuff out the devil into sheer non-existence would be worse to God than suffer this eternity of struggle. God cannot kill a part of Himself; He can't bring Himself to do it. It's literally breaking Him apart to have to face Revelation.

Jesus wept tears of blood thinking of the strain of that moment. Jesus was dying for the devil too; the demon just couldn't acknowledge the look on the Son's face the moment it was happening.

He was simultaneously not allowed to see Jesus's face and ultimately the reason why He had to die. Satan is the very reason why God had to kill his own Son in the flesh; as a symbol of what He made in us as Humans. Every fabric of every being that CHOOSES to live in the dark is willfully removing themselves from God's love; and aligning themselves with darkness. But even in that choice; each sinner is more powerful than the devil can ever be; we have the will to change in that split second. This is the abject Holiness that Satan can NEVER properly lay eyes on.

You can choose not to pull the trigger.

You can choose not to jump off the bridge.

You can choose not to ignore the screams from a neighbors apartment.

You can choose not to cut in traffic or rush the red light.

You can choose to let someone go ahead of you at the grocery store.

You can pick up that piece of trash when walking your dogs.

You can say hello and smile at your neighbor.

You can greet that nice old lady at the corner every morning until she's no longer there.

You can choose to be the change and invoke LIGHT into the very dark that struggles so hard to be relevant when it's very existence is left shredded with nary a thought of even the smallest light. There is no flame that will not shed light into a room; when burning in the soul of Truth. It is ultimately up to each soul if it chooses to be lit like the match.

This is why Satan hates us and will never get to sit at the Final Table. 

Imagine that power the next time you doubt yourself. The power to be ignited. To feel truth... to choose.

Imagine birthing a field of children; loving them so hard only to watch them walk away from you. The Angels are God's just as much as we are; but in a different way. They are extensions of Him in small refractions of His own Glory; bouncing as light bounces off a multi-faceted prism. There is STILL God in every Angel, no matter if there's no soul.

So now think of all that ... operating outside our human frailty of time and linear thought.

Think of all of that...

All those thoughts.... echoing in a chamber of darkness, absent of hope or love or pity or even Grace; as all those concepts are reflections of The One True Light and they simply cannot exist in the darkness for there are no rules for their existence there. As if gravity had no meaning or held any sway. 

There is NO chasm as deep as the one the devil is in. 

He can never come back from the darkness; the very fact that we living beings can CHOOSE LIGHT is something offensive to him. A power he doesn't have. How dare we. How dare humanity. 

He's going to burn this whole thing down because he can't stand that we're allowed all the things he can't have. He literally can't have. 

I wish more people could understand the battle that we fight on this small orb floating across space, absent of any desire to care of the humanity's wills trying so hard to live on it's surface. None of the containers matter if we don't choose to acknowledge the truth: it's all power, it's all energy. God gives us all energy every breath we take... that's power. 

The power to kill, steal, or destroy. That's why the power of life is only God's. It's a sin to end it, so that's within our reach.

So ... getting to my point about "The Den Of Vipers"

There are so many visions of evil in the world, because he wants to convince us that he can BE powerful and be real... but the truth is there is no darkness once enough LIGHT is shed into any room. Into any corner, of any reasoning in the hopeless human mind; there is no corner of darkness where God cannot exist. Period.

Every religion in the world seeks to define this existence; so that's why we as humanity sees so much truth in the religions of the world because they are simply paragraphs of the Greater Book we all come from. Truth that's torn from pages twisted by our hands can still reflect it's meaning.

Every aspect of darkness knows this; that's why they panic when The Lord shows up to a fight. And I'm talking about spirits and souls; not humans that walk on two feet. We are soldiers and warriors; wether we choose to be warriors of light or darkness is ultimately up to us. But the battles are fought by powers outside our human flesh comprehension (to some).

I don't care what atheist want to say; God exists in all of us and even those that close themselves off to His Truth will eventually face the final day when they've run out of lies and legs to stand on. There's no excuse to keep running away from God because He is in ALL THINGS; there is no corner you can run to that God isn't already there.

It's as though you're running from oxygen, a very basic need for our carbon-based life. It's as though you're trying to run from yourself. When you finally begin to stop looking outward; looking at the noise of the material world you'll finally begin to see that God has been calling to you from the moment your soul chose your parents to connect with. The act of Creation is a homage to God and a slap in the face to the devil. Every human is a magical container of souldust sprinkled with the elements of God in every fiber.

The exact opposite of who satan gets to be.

"Gets" to be. Existence is even a gift; though he chooses not to acknowledge it. Revelation has already been written because God wrote the book; as much as satan has read it cover to cover; he's never been The Author which means the ending is all done and outside of his power.

---------------------------

Imagine billions of balls of light; floating through the ephemeral essence of human consciousness. The idea is that the energy is shared. We're all balls of light which means we're meant to roll around into each other's lives and touch and connect in infinite ways.

There's a reason "Don't put me in a box" resonates so well with so many people. We are meant to be edgeless.

Our souls are edgeless and endless. Like a natural spring pool flowing from within and from above and below. When you choose to be connected with your full soul; there's power that's being made there and a transition of energy from your human container of a body to the Soul Above. I don't know what else to describe it as but as my Soul Energy, in a small floating ensemble of electrified emotions energized by my will - good or bad. The Soul Energy gets darker when I think of dark thoughts; it gets brighter when I think of positive good things. Literally; we are light bulbs meant to connect with the battery of the Holy Spirit and every human decision we make to walk way from that further corrodes that connection.

You can't be a bright bulb if you're not connected to a source.

You're not your own source. How can a bulb be it's own electricity. Even electrons need each other to exchange energy and have a reaction (get it).

Therefore, There IS A POWER(the source of the rest of His power)  that God alone has and the devil truly hates Him for it.

There is the power that God chooses to impart on each of us when He chooses to shred a sliver of Himself to give to us to embody a soul and live as a human body. 

The power to CHOOSE to be a light to the world. That defining moment.

The act of choosing.

That is what world wars are fought for, people die for, countries are lost or won for; the freedom of choice. We get it willingly and freely from our Dear Lord Creator.

And we choose to squabble amongst ourselves for just scraps of the Greater Energy that God would WILLINGLY give every day of every moment if we just chose to acknowledge it.

It's been... a long series of months.

My grandfather died Wednesday October 7th. October is infant and miscarraige rememberance month; and it's been a lot to feel. I've been empty a lot of the times.... I've had no energy a lot of the times... I've had little will to keep moving or keep going. Ashley gets me through it, God gets me through it... Prayer and a lot of time spent alone.

There have been a lot of little good moments sprinkled in with the pain; and I'm ever so grateful that Ashley and I can enjoy that together.

We went to TheLightsFest last Saturday and it was a nice way to remember our two little girls. 

I need to make new efforts to read and write daily. Sure I read the Bible daily but I need to be engaging my mind in a lot more directions. Turning off the TV takes practice but isn't that what they had intended? They want us complacent. They want us mentally trapped in an illusion.

I'm tired of the illusions, I'm tired of distraction.

It will be my best effort to begin improving myself and learning more about the world around me. Now, in my 40's I feel the necessary urge to grab onto as much knowledge as I can, and experience as much of the world as I can.

In just thinking about my mother in law passing away, I begin to get anxious and then remember that God has a plan for each of us and has a direction for us if we simply seek Him out first. So here's my best effort at beginning daily good habits and reinforcing the "writer" God made me.

---

Random Shower Thought

Writing daily is like working out for your "writers muscle" just like lifting weights is working out for your actual muscles. You can't expect to haul out a full novel without stretching and lifting a little weight first. If you can practice daily, you can get into good habits that will lead to greater results.

Stretch. Breath. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Search Instagram for @r.carnie for more art and random things!

We're at the airport, currently waiting for our flight to Tennessee for the memorial. It was planned a while ago, with the intent of vacationing there, finding a spot to move to, and generally just being with Ashley's parents in the beautiful country side.

How things changed.

There's a lot to be said for change.

Good or bad, it moves you into a new space in life and hopefully gives you a few minutes to review it.

I feel like 2020's theme was supposed to be tragedy but 2021 sort of said "hold my beer". We lost my mother in law this year, we lost our twins last year, my prayer is no more loss for years.

I know I've said it's been exhausting before, but I'm saying it again. It's exhausting.

But not everything is tiring.

I'm so grateful we have family like Johnny and Sarah who can watch our pups while we're gone on this short trip. I'm so grateful for a job that's willing to work with me working remotely. I'm so grateful for the creative energy that Ashley and I get to share in founding new craft festivals and fairs. I'm excited and grateful for a new business and amazing business partner. I'm grateful for fresh starts.

I feel like my focus has all been on the draining things in life lately, so I want to take this week and just take deep breaths and reset a little.

Reset the heart, reset the mind.

Remember how to be kind.

love you all, 

r. carnie littlefield

• March 9th, 2021 - My mother in law passed away

• We moved to Tennessee in June 2021

• We've started Maker's Market Tennessee

  • Successfully run two different markets 

>> July 24th - Brass Horn Coffee Roasters

>> Sept 25th - Brass Horn Coffee Roasters

• I've completed a handful of my list of coloring books for www.LittlefieldBooks.com

• I've established the board game company LIGHT BROS. GAMES with my buddy Jeremy Burge

• We've started partnering with Alinea Church ( www.AlineaChurch.org ) for kid's paint parties and outreach programs similar to what we did with Gospel Brunch

• No sign of calming down on any projects!

Search Instagram for @MakersMarketTN

YES! We've launched the Maker's Magazine!

First edition was for Sept 2021 featuring Funky As Soap and Jarrell and his family.

This will be a monthly printed magazine available in local Murfreesboro coffee shops or art events handed out personally by any one of the Makers who have joined us at a previous Market. We are also seeking out different shops in the area that would consider working with us on sponsorships, coupons, and marketing! 

Be on the lookout for more editions of the Maker's Magazine coming very soon!

Thanks for reading!

--- R. Carnie Littlefield

Search Instagram for @MakersMarketTN

I don't often fawn over any particular artist or musician publicly since I really do love a TON of different talents and could virtually spend my entire life discussing them.

There are the exceptions. Chris Stapleton is hands down one of them.

This dude has dirty country vocals that can turn into rockin' ragin' high notes and long choruses that echo through the rest of the song. His plays guitar so well that you forget he's doing both at the same exact damn time.

Yes, there's a lot of people out there equally as talented, but there's a charisma that Chris has when he's on that stage. I've watched several of his live shows over and over and over.

Here are a few of my top favorites:

• His "Nothing Else Matters" Metallica cover - I mean HELLO

• "Drink you away" LIVE with Justin Timberlake

• "Broken Halos"

• "I Was Wrong" LIVE at the Austin City Limits

And I'm sure many more!

Thanks for reading!

--- R. Carnie Littlefield

Does anyone else have a general sense of being behind on everything? Perhaps it's the fact that I have so many projects going, or that I have ADD, or that I'm a combination procrastinator and perfectionist that needs to learn to let it go....

* DEEP BREATH *

Phew, ok I think I might have answered my own question there with the multitude of projects; I'm putting extra stresses on myself.

But still...

I'm sure a lot of others at 41, 51, or beyond that still feel like their "just getting on the on ramp" of life. I can't be the only one. I feel like I'm just barely getting one to-do list done when the next one pops up. That can't be what life is all about.

* ANOTHER DEEP BREATH *

Then I remember FAITH

"Now Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1

I remember that God has directed us not only to trust in Him but to exercise that trust daily in the form of faith. 

So whenever you feel like you have moments of despair or you're circling the drain or running around in circles; just trust in the Lord and seek Him first.

Thanks for reading!

--- R. Carnie Littlefield